How I’m the Bachelorette


I am currently dating a LOT of people.
Like, a lot.

Calm down and don’t be so quick to judge.

I am currently living in Knoxville, TN. And it’s different.
Up until now, friendship has been handed to me on a silver platter. No, it is not always easy. You have to some extent “put yourself out there” and you have to connect and enjoy making fun of the same celebrities. But the opportunities to do that were handed to me on a silver platter. No matter what else happened, there were fifty or so people I would absolutely see in class every day and if I wasn’t a shy pansy we had the opportunity to become friends.

All of that has changed. Now I have to date my friends.
You meet someone in a random setting and by some stroke of the supernatural you hit it off. “Wait, you like music too?”
“Hold on, you breathe almost all day as well?” (My standards for friendship are relatively low.)
You take a deep breath before shaking off that deep breath because deep breaths are for nervous people and YOU are a strong, confident individual who should be able to get by with shallow breaths.
Act natural, Finke.
“Can I get your number?”
Sure! We should definitely hang out some time.”
GOOD JOB! You did it.
But then you have their number. They have lots of numbers so one more number is nothing to them, but to you, to you it is everything. Do you send them a text that night? How soon is too soon? Can you ask to get lunch? Are you at that level? Should you wait a couple days before asking about lunch? Would coffee be a better second hang out? Do we have enough in common to talk about over lunch or coffee? Should our first hang out be somewhere where we don’t have to talk the whole time? Do I need to plan the hangout since I asked or do they plan it since they’ve lived here longer? Oh my goodness, am I sending out lesbian vibes? They know I just want to be friends right? Is that something that has to be explained? Should I not have texted them every single day this week?? Am I coming on too strong? Should I act like I magically made a ton of friends this week and be super suave?

As you can see, there is a lot to mull over. And I have to mull it over every time I meet someone and since most people I meet at this stage of life are new to me, there is a lot of mulling going on.
Dating is exhausting.

To all you people in new places wherever you are: I’m sure you’re doing great. I’m sure a lot of people like you and wouldn’t mind getting a text from you or maybe even grabbing a snack with you. I’m sure some of these first dates will blossom into deep, wonderful friendships. Keep it up newbies.

And to Andi on the Bachelorette: I can’t imagine doing this with all men I might marry. Good gracious woman, take a nap.

That’s all for now.
Txt me l8r.

One thought on “How I’m the Bachelorette

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