I have been married for almost four months. That’s basically half a year which means – obviously – I am a pro. Seeking marriage advice? YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
Here is a list of things I’ve learned in the four months I’ve been married:
1.) Men’s toiletries are less desirable.
When you live with sisters or roommates, running out of shampoo only means you get to “test run” a couple other stellar shampoo options for a day or two before you have time to run to the store.
When living with a husband, however, running out of shampoo means you’re forced to use “Suave for Men Two-in-One.” You will smell like a man. The scent will stick. And your hair will… well, let’s look at the bright side: it will recover.
Pro Tip: Stock up on shampoo, ladies.
2.) Pizza is less kind.
Once acquiring a husband, I’ve learned it also becomes about 88% more likely to acquire, ahem… weight. This may come for a variety of reasons. For me, it comes in the form of one simple question: Would I have more fun working out in a gym right now or hanging out with this hottie right here? Hottie has been winning lately.
Pro Tip: Sources say drinking less beer helps.
3.) Compromise is key (and can secretly work in your favor if you swing it right.)
Being married requires compromising. For instance, if he asks for a cat for months and months, it may finally be time to agree to said cat (because you are kind and compassionate and definitely NOT simply because you’ve had a couple glasses of wine and spent the evening scrolling through websites full of adorable kitten pictures and you finally lost your will.) As a compromise, he takes care of all things “cat” forever and ever even when you inevitably end up falling in love with that adorable cutie patootie whisker muffin. Compromise.
Pro Tip: This is a second cousin of manipulation. Do not confuse the two.
4.) You don’t have to love all of his
dumb different hobbies.
My hubs and I have a lot in common. Some of our favorite past times are exploring new cities, anything Gordon Ramsey, and staring at each other lovingly for hours at a time. But one thing I’ve learned in these fews months is that married people can, in fact, have separate hobbies. This is okay. Healthy, even.
Most notably, my husband loves NASCAR. Don’t hold that against him. I’m the only one allowed to do that. When he watches races, I read and write and see friends and live my dreams. On the flip side, he does not watch The Bachelor with me. This does not mean, as I was once tempted to think, that he hates me and thinks I’m stupid. He simply doesn’t want to watch The Bachelor. This is obviously a weird choice for him since The Bachelor is great. But to each his own.
Pro Tip: Live your life.
5.) Life doesn’t end when a marriage starts.
Before my hubs and I got together, I had a whole plan. I wanted to have an enlightened and disciplined spiritual life; I wanted to have traveled the world; I wanted to be actively walking in the direction of my big “life purpose” with great clarity before settling down with a husband.
But as Tyler and I started dating, I still struggled with a consistent quiet time, I still felt like God was quiet too often, I hadn’t traveled to half of the places on my list, and I for sure didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.
I did not feel ready for a relationship.
I definitely did not feel ready to get married.
But turns out, the journey doesn’t end once a ring goes on the finger.
A great deal of the things I struggled with and searched for and desired for my life in singleness are still the things I struggle with and search for and desire for my life in marriage. God and I are still on a journey. I’m still working through purpose and passion. I still want to get all over the world. Where I feared marriage would stale my aspirations for growth and adventure and purpose – it’s actually brought a lot of those things back into the light. I’m simply walking with those aspirations now entangled with another’s.
Tyler’s life without me probably still would’ve been great.
My life without Tyler probably still would’ve been great.
But God brought our personalities and histories and talents and passions and journeys together for a reason – and that’s exciting.
Pro Tip: Encouraging each other is a top notch idea.
Being single was incredible. Being married is incredible. Whatever journey you’re on, lean in. Love big. And then give unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet.
Stay tuned for hopefully many more years of unsolicited advice as (hopefully) my marriage advice gets better.